In case of rain

Q: Any suggestions for alternative arrangements in case bad weather makes our outdoor venue undesirable on the day? - Max, Minnesota.

A: Outdoor venues are very popular for all sorts of ceremonies. Naming ceremonies are often held in the back yard of the family home, and many other types of ceremonies, especially weddings and commitment ceremonies, are increasingly being held in lovely outdoor settings, including beaches, parks, gardens and courtyards.

Depending on where you live, an outdoor ceremony might be a possibility year round. Where it might be cold in winter or very hot in summer, it is probably a good idea to organise the ceremony for an indoor location, and then to move it out of doors if it happens to be a good day.

At other times of the year, where it is viable to have the outdoor location as the first choice, there is always the possibility of inclement weather. The following suggestions will help reduce the stress last minute changes can cause:

• Make arrangements for an alternative venue well ahead of time
• Include in your invitations a note along the lines of:
  In case of rain etc etc (be sure to specify if this includes heat), please call this [Phone Number] by [Time] on the day for confirmation of the venue.
• Record a new outgoing message on an answering machine so nobody gets to spend a lot of time answering calls and to ensure that long conversations about the issue don't keep the phone tied up. It is a good idea to disable the capacity for callers to leave a message.
• Include the details of the alternate venue, including directions of how to get there, with the invitation.
• Delegate one person to make the decision about whether or not to change the venue to the dry-weather venue
• Make sure your celebrant has all the same information as your guests.

Have a wonderful ceremony ...

What to call your commitment ceremony

Q: We are planning to have a Commitment Ceremony, but neither of us likes the term. Do you have any other suggestions? - Genia and Katherine, Sydney, Australia.

A: You shouldn’t get too hung up on what your ceremony is called – the important thing is that you’re having one. Exactly what you call your ceremony may vary depending on the situation, and you can always take a creative and personal approach to describing the event. In addition to commitment, terms which work include union, bonding, joining of two lives, joining of our lives, joining of the lives of .... , and public profession of love before family and friends. Because you are in Australia, where same sex marriage is not legal, and where there are hefty penalties for the celebrant if it is not clear to everyone present that the ceremony is not a legal one, you should avoid using the words wedding and/or marriage, and, in your vows, avoid using wed, marry, husband, wife, or spouse. And please, please, please never use coy terms like groomette.

Have a wonderful ceremony ....

The three most important things in an outdoor ceremony

Q: I want to have my ceremony outdoors. What is the most important thing to get right? Kim, New Farm, Queensland, Australia

A: When choosing a location most people focus on the backdrop. Having nice surroundings is important for photos - but professional photographers can always crop photos and/or use digital magic to get rid of something that is aesthetically below par.

Something neither professional nor amateur photographers can deal with is the sun shining directly into their lenses. Backlit photos lose detail. So, unless you want all your photos in silhouette, it is absolutely imperative to check out the area you are thinking of having the ceremony in when the sun is in the same position it will be in at the time your ceremony is scheduled for. If you've planned more than a year ahead, then that is easy. Just go to the site on same day of the year and at the same time. If you haven't the time to use that method, then you have to be a little clever. Use a sunrise/sunset calculator and work out what time the sun rises/sets on the actual day you're having the ceremony and on the day you're checking the venue out, and calculate accordingly, so that you go to the place when the sun is in the same position. And of course, if you're having the ceremony in summer, look for shade too.

The third thing is audibility. Many attractive settings are plagued by traffic noise, there may be construction noise, there may be aircraft noise overhead, all of which would seriously compromise the ability of your guests to actually hear the ceremony.

Light, Noise and Backdrop, they all have to work for you. And it goes without saying that you should always have a backup venue and arrangements in place in case of rain. Include the backup venue in your invitation and give a number for your guests to call. Delegate someone to make the decision whether to use the backup venue and leave a message on the machine saying that the backup venue is going to be used.

Have a wonderful ceremony ....

How to choose a celebrant

Q: What do we need to know in order to be sure the celebrant we choose delivers the type and quality of ceremony we want? - Tom, Wodonga, Australia

A: Choosing the right celebrant probably the single most important choice you have to make. The choice you make will affect the outcome of your ceremony more than any other decision. If the celebrant you choose ultimately does not listen to you (and by that I mean not just what you say, but what motivates you to say it), does not support you (your ceremony is about meeting your needs, not fitting in with the business and ego needs of the celebrant), does not inspire you, and does not connect with your ideas for your ceremony, you have not only wasted your money, you will have potentially destroyed your dreams and sullied your memories of what should have been a wonderful and unique occasion.

So you need to ensure that the celebrant you choose is someone you can trust, someone you feel comfortable with. When the time for your ceremony arrives you should feel confident about what is about to transpire and nurtured by the process by which the celebrant assisted you to arrive at this point.

I suggest you contact each one on your short list and ask the following questions (and any others that are important to you)

• Whether they are free to do the type of ceremony at the time and on the day you want in the place you want
• What their celebrancy qualifications are (skills and training are important. Experience is also important but it is sometimes hard to gauge whether someone who claims 10 years experience has really had 10 years experience or one year 10 times, or indeed 1 ceremony 500 times)
• Whether they use a standard ceremony, give you a choice of prewritten ceremonies, or write a unique ceremony
• What process they use to gather information from you on your needs and wants (you also need to get a sense of how well they will get to know you during the process)
• Whether they will have a meeting with you before the day
• Whether a rehearsal is included in the charge
• What sort of certificate is provided
• If any special needs you have will be met, and how
• What sort of resources and information they will provide you with and how much support they will give you as you work through the decisions that need to be made about your ceremony
• What they charge and what is included in the price and whether there are any "add-on" costs.

The reason I suggest you leave price until last is that knowing what you are going to get for your money allows you to compare on value for money as well as on price. And value includes how much effort the celebrant will put into the preparation and development phase as well as in the delivery phase.

Whatever the type of ceremony, making memories is a very important aspect. What you pay and the value for money the celebrant delivers can decide what sort of memories you end up with.

Have a wonderful ceremony ...

Renewal of Vows

Q: My family is coming out to Australia to attend a wedding in October, and it will be the first and only time for many years that we have all been together. This would a fantastic time for my in-laws to renew their wedding vows with all the family there. Can it be done as a surprise or is that not legal anymore? Can it be held on a beach? I wouldn't want a lavish cermony just a beautiful backdrop and the people we love the most there with us. - Naomi, Exeter, England.

A: A renewal of vows is not a legal ceremony, so as long as you do not go through a full marriage ceremony again - that is the vows must say that it is reaffirming, so you can't say "I X take you Y to be my lawful wedded husband/wife" (to do so could land your in-laws in hot water and the celebrant in jail) - you can do whatever you like, and have the ceremony anywhere you like, and it can be as simple or lavish as you like.

When you say "surprise" does that mean it will be a surprise to everyone there, or that you are intending to spring it on your in-laws? I'd caution you against the latter - fair enough to say you want to give them the ceremony as a gift and a thank you for their years of parenting your husband and his brothers and sisters, but to get the full joy out of the ceremony they should have some choice about the content of the ceremony. Without their input, the celebrant would not be able to really meet their needs or refer adequately to the important milestones in their marriage or what makes their relationship what it is.

A beach is a beach is a beach - but the Sydney Opera House/Harbour Bridge is something else. The Domain is a public place, a park, so anyone can gather there and it would be a lovely place to have the ceremony as the backdrop to all the photos would be so spectacular. If you go to http://www.wilmap.com.au/nswmaps/SYDTC2.HTML the map will give you an idea of the location.

One other tip - schedule the ceremony on a weekday mid-morning or mid-afternoon and the Domain shouldn't be too crowded. The celebrant you engage to perform the ceremony will be able to advise you further.

Have a wonderful ceremony ....